This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
