you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize