he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
