is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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