I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
