There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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