Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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