i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
