my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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