I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
