I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
