Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
