Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
