God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
