I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
