I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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