you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
