I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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