How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
