so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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