There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
