I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize