My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
