Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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