Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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