We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
