I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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