i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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