all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
