The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
be right there i have to get my cape
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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