i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
