lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
