Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
