Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
