part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize