i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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