you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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