My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
