today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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