Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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