what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
