sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
