that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
