I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
