Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
