I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
that may or may not have been my penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
