just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
