how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize