I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
