butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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