i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
