we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
