We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
