i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How's work?
Spinning.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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