I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
