new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
