Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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