My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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