On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
