I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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