Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
