my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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