Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize