I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
