Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
